There comes a time when enough is enough.

This is the sure sure sign your favourite kiter is on their way to complete irrelevance.

1) You start criticising riding that you have not even attempted

That little wiggly worm.

2) You start organising shoots in/near tulip fields

Along with their captions, “A flower does not think of competing with the flowers next to it. It just blooms.”

3) You start taking DJing seriously

and you’ve always had shit music taste, let’s face it. but that’s never stopped anyone else, has it! so you play what is essentially the same set. over and over again. at every kite safari, dealer meeting and expo that you can ‘perform’ at. 

4) You try and launch a shit side hustle

You try to monetise your already disinterested audience. this could be anything, but if you have no imagination, it’ll probably be some cheap chinese merch with your shit brand on it. tshirts. sunnies. whatever. 

5) Contracts

Your brand’s team manager seems excited to talk ‘next year’s contract’. This means: they knows you’re done. And they know that you know you’re done. So you’ll accept a lower price. 

6) Comments on a post.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend is always the first (of only a few) comments on a post.


7) Wing vs Vlog

You start winging or vlogging. both equally desperate. And you seem to have forgotten that you have no personality. And that winging sucks. these activities are reserved exclusively for the heavily injured and those who are past-their-prime. Leave it for them, alright?

8) Something doesn’t add up

Your social media numbers don’t add up. So there’s 2,000 likes, but the only comments are from your sponsor (whose page you also run now lol).

9) your google search history looks like this:

how to buy likes

when was ‘how to win friends and influence people’ written

is there a more modern version of ‘how to win friends and influence people’

how to boost youtube views without it completely fucking the analytics

jobs for people with zero skills in anything other than kiting

10) More than your salary

Your brand politely asks you, because you cannot say no, to start ‘running the socials’.